A Truth About Being Stuck In A Rut That Nobody Is Talking About

PART 2: Don’t Let These Two Things Get in the Way of Your Activation Mode

THING #1: You Gotta Stop This “Too-X-BS”

The first blocker is something I call the “TOO-X-BS”. The respondents in my survey said:

Can you see the pattern?

“I’m TOO X to do that thing I really want to do.”

It’s all excuses that stem out of feeling like you’re NOT ENOUGH. 

And let me start by saying that feeling is normal. We all have inner thoughts demons. Each of us battles self-limiting beliefs that come up as excuses. Everyone has “soft spots” like age, looks, competence, or whatever it is. And if you’re a woman, you’re most likely a champ in underestimating your abilities. It’s actually scientifically proven. Women doubt themselves more, rate themselves more negatively than men, and turn down the opportunities by inaction. It has a lot to do with upbringing, biology, society, and all that shit.

Do you know this saying?  “She didn’t know she couldn’t, so she did.” Yeah, that sounds nice.

But I actually think that for most women, most of the time, it’s the other way round: 

“SHE DIDN’T KNOW SHE COULD, SO SHE DIDN’T.”

She thought she’s too old, too young, too shy, too bossy, too unqualified, too busy, too weak, or whatever “TOO-X-BS” your mind is feeding you right now.

So stop looking for what's wrong with you! You’re fine as you are. 

You can do it. You have the power. You are a freaking grownup, and you have permission to do whatever the hell you want. And you need to know that you can do more than you think! 

And that belief is called CONFIDENCE.

Want to be more CONFIDENT? Here’s where to start!

And now you probably think that you want more confidence ASAP. 

Obvi! Everyone wants confidence right away. I mean, how awesome it would be to go for your dreams knowing that you can succeed. Believing that you are the right person doing the right thing. Walking like a badass Wonder Woman on a peace mission, right? 

But here’s a catch.

It doesn’t start that way. There’s no way that you can know that you can succeed in things you’ve never done before.

Confidence doesn’t come out of nowhere. It comes from experience. It comes from doing the thing when you’re not sure if it’s going to work out. And that requires COURAGE. 

Courage is where you need to start. 

It takes courage to take action despite your mind going bananas and trying to talk you out of taking action. 

So let me put it in a really simple way:

You get CONFIDENCE by having the COURAGE to DO things you don’t know you can pull off.

​​Okay, cool. So how do you get the courage?

I’ll tell you all about it, but first, take a minute and think about all the things you’ve achieved in your life. 

Think about the schools you finished, jobs you got, projects you accomplished, friends you met, areas you grew at, the money you earned, people you helped, etc. 

List at least 10 things before you keep reading.

Don’t cheat. Do you have all 10?

Got it?

See how much experience you already have that you can base your confidence on! Now you can see clearly that YOU CAN DO ANYTHING because you’ve done tough shit in the past. You’ve figured it out before, and you will now, and in the future. Am I right?

Now, you’re ready to  read all about building COURAGE.

Deal with Fears and Build Courage

Now you know that CONFIDENCE comes from EXPERIENCE. 

EXPERIENCE  comes from taking ACTION (like trying new things).

Taking action requires COURAGE and overcoming fears.

So let’s now talk about COURAGE.

When you go online, you can find numerous worn-out quotes about courage. So I’m not going to add any of those to your life. We’re all way too busy for that, but here are  the 3 most important things (backed by science) you need to understand about courage: 

THING #2: Fear Of Judgement

Let’s focus on that fear of judgment for a while because it's the second thing that blocks people from getting into the ACTIVATION mode. It really is a sneaky bastard and a silent dream killer. And here’s why:

Most people are not afraid to give new things a try. THEY’RE AFRAID TO BE SEEN SUCKING AT SOMETHING NEW. (yes, go ahead and share this quote on your social media - pretty powerful, right?)

They are afraid of judgment if they don’t pull it off. Backlash. Criticism. Internet trolls. You know, the usual suspects.

The thing is when you try new things, things you've NEVER done before, you WILL, most likely, suck at it! Because the old, urban legend says: “The first draft of anything is shit.”

Now take a moment and think whose judgment you’re afraid of?

Like really, take a second and think whose face comes to mind (because there's usually someone's face, even if we don't like to admit it).

Do you see that judging face?

Now I’m going to be a bit of a magician here, and I will guess your answer! Does the below sound familiar? Is this something you are concerned about:

What if my ex sees it? 

Would my partner be embarrassed by me? How about the kids?

What will my parents say? What about my coworkers and friends?

What if they realize that I'm not as awesome as they thought I was? 

What if people start laughing?

These are the kinds of thoughts that freak us all out.

And those thoughts start spiralling and magnifying into fear of humiliation, rejection, and the final destination of all fears - fear of dying alone in the streets. And, according to neuroscientists, our primal brains were designed to keep us alive and survive in the tribe, which is obviously a good thing.

But I've got great news! It’s not survival anymore. If your ex doesn’t like what you do, you won’t be banned from the cave and forced to hunt the deer on your own while avoiding being eaten by a group of grizzlies. Yeah, we’re past those times. It is not a matter of life or death (anymore). 

Now, come back to the face of the person that you think will judge you.

Think about that person and honestly answer this question: 

Are you absolutely, 100%, totally, know-it-for-a-fact, no-doubt-about-it SURE that they WILL judge you?

YES or NO?

I’ll guess your answer again. There’s a huge chance that you said, “NO”. 

Because most of the time, you can’t be really sure if someone will judge you. Most of the time, they didn’t tell you this straight to your face and you never asked, so you CANNOT BE SURE. What's more - usually you will be able to find at least 3 arguments that they actually WON’T! (Go ahead! Try to quickly come up with 3 arguments.)

And honestly, most people are busy living their own lives and dealing with their own traumas rather than looking at everything we do. So this fear is more like a bogeyman that is just an illusion. Another F.E.A.R. = False Evidence Appearing Real. FALSE!

Okay, another scenario. What if it’s actually true. What if you said “YES”. What if this person WILL judge you. 

I get it. Not everyone is all about radiating positive vibes and activation mode kinda stuff, so let’s be a bit pessimistic here for a minute. Let’s assume that they (whoever “they” are for you) will judge you. Guess what? People judge you anyway. All the f-r-e-a-k-i-n-g time! Even a complete stranger you are passing on the street may be judging you right now. And some people will always find a reason to judge. It will happen no matter what you do. Because it’s not really about you. It’s about them needing that judgment to deal with their shit. And deep down, you know that. 

So stop looking to someone else for validation of your dreams!

Will those other people be responsible for your life?

Do they pay your bills?

Are they making all the decisions for you?

Are they going through the ups and downs of life instead of you?

Don’t think so. So why the fuck would you care what they think and why would they have any say in what you do and how you live YOUR life to LIVE it to the fullest. The only person whose approval you need - is YOU!

So the only logical solution now is to do what the eff you want since people judge you anyway and there is no way to stop them. Let them judge you, and you may as well just live a little. Or even more than a little when you realize how freeing letting go of that fear is.

And here’s a little twist: 

- Are you absolutely sure that the voice of judgment you’re so afraid to hear isn’t your own?

- Are you sure you’re not the one rejecting yourself?

Here’s what I mean: very often, when you do the “who is judging me” exercise, you see someone else saying things that you are so afraid to hear. But then you cannot be absolutely sure if they would say that. Or you realize that you don’t even care about their approval. And when you think about it, it’s because it’s YOUR OWN little voice of judgment projected onto someone else. You know what I'm talking about, right?

All this fear talk sounds familiar? Well, you’re not alone! When people have something they want to do, and they’re not doing it, it’s because some type of tiny voice is stopping them. And this voice may be tiny, but it’s a powerful force that is stopping you from living your life to the fullest.

But There'a a Solution - 3 Steps to Conquer Your Fear

Remember that courage is a choice? Well, fear is a choice too. Stop accepting something you don’t like and can change. Make your fear an improver & strengthener, just like the commandos and athletes do. 

Now, think about that thing that you want to do but are afraid to do and say to yourself: 

“I chose it. I want it. I decided to do it.”

Oh, yes, it’s one of those weird moments when you’re asked to say stuff out loud to yourself, and you’re considering if you should do it or pretend you didn’t understand. The choice is yours, but I highly recommend it. Self-talk is a simple yet super powerful technique for handling fears. Also, it’s like pooping - we all do it even though we pretend not to.

So did you say it? 

Can you feel the freaking difference it makes?

And you know why it’s so important? Why am I convincing you to work with your fear?

Because I don’t want you to neglect your calling. 

Don’t die with your someday list not realized. Don’t underestimate what you can do.

Think about it.

Why is it good to do the thing you're afraid to do?

Give me 3 quick arguments from the top of your head.

Maybe it’s about showing your children how to be brave, maybe it’s about making a stranger feel like they’re not alone, maybe it’s about enjoying time with your partner without overthinking unimportant stuff. What is it for you?

Can you see how your actions are not only about you? How what you do can positively influence other people? And you know what? Everyone loses when you play small.

Playing big, going all-in, and following your calling from the get-go can be overwhelming. I get that. That is why I have a few more yummy tips on where to start to make it happen. So you really want to click that button below and keep reading.

In the last part, we'll put it all together, so that you can see the full formula for getting out of the rut and living your best life. I'll explain how you can achieve big things without jumping headfirst. I'll give you quick fixes to deal with fear, uncertainty, and moments of not believing in yourself. How dope is that? 

So if you want in on that, hit the button below, and let's dive into it!